Tuesday, May 06, 2008
What's a "real woman"?
Rachel Lucas knows what it means to be a "real man." Why do we not have a similar ideal for a "real woman"? I've wondered that myself.
11 Comments:
By 
Cardinalpark, at
Tue May 06, 04:10:00 PM:
Well, let's start with, would a real man ever write down something like that? Or think it?
By 
, at
Tue May 06, 05:59:00 PM:
I think the real difference, which she sort of gets at in her post, is not that we don't have a standard for women but that everyone is afraid of articulating or enforcing it for fear of being called a sexist.
By Escort81, at
Tue May 06, 06:46:00 PM:
Rachel makes excellent, funny points, as always.
CP is of course correct, as anyone who has read Hemingway knows. A critical part of the masculine code is not talking about it. Real men can't stand the "Oprah-ization" of American (but I shouldn't have just said that.)
I frequently tell my girlfriend that she needs to "man up" when she is unable to press on while in the midst of a disagreement with others, or unable to analyze a problem with cool detachment. It's absolutely a sexist remark to make, and I regret it as soon as it leaves my lips, but it very succinctly captures what I am trying to say.
I am going to try to use a new phrase: "Adult up."
By Mystery Meat, at
Tue May 06, 07:51:00 PM:
"Real women" are overrated. Once you go inflatable, you'll never go back.
By Fire, at
Tue May 06, 09:51:00 PM:
I was once told (by a southern belle no less) that a "real woman" was defined as:
"A chef in the kitchen,
a lady in the parlor,
and a whore in the bedroom."
I don't want any hate mail from any femi-nazi's, that's what I was told.
By Dawnfire82, at
Tue May 06, 11:22:00 PM:
I like it.
I've heard a similar version; "A women who goes to bed a whore, and wakes up a virgin."
Or, if you're old fashioned, "sugar and spice."
By , at
Wed May 07, 12:00:00 AM:
The Yiddish word "mensch" sums it up & is non-gendered.
By , at
Wed May 07, 10:21:00 PM:
I thought the southern belle comment was funny and right on the mark. Never heard it put in such a manner, but I can attest to being taught just such a lesson growing up in the south. I think Mom subconsciously let us (4 daughters) know this was how to attract and keep a man. Of course the Texas twist was that to ride, hunt, and/or fish was always a plus too.
By , at
Thu May 08, 12:29:00 PM:
Here's my theory after 35 years of thinking and observation about this: Real Men (fully adult men) are attractive to virtually all women, and they just get more Real and more attractive until a fairly advanced age, whereas Real Women (fully adult women) are attractive to a much smaller subset of men, and they just get more Real and less attractive with age. Fortunately, lots of good women try to be as Real as they can anyway ... because that's the adult thing to do! MCU
By Cassandra, at
Thu May 08, 12:36:00 PM:
Well, I think you're dead wrong.
But then undoubtedly your definition of a "real woman" is based on looks and sex appeal, as so many people's is (and that's why it doesn't age well). It is one dimensional and shallow.
That's really a pity because a real woman is well rounded and even when she is an old lady, her warmth and intellect continue to shine. If you never get to know women as people, you miss so very much in life.
And there is so much to know.
By , at
Thu May 08, 04:04:00 PM:
Cassandra -- Trust me, my definition of a Real Woman is not based on looks and sex appeal. I was using Rachel's, definition -- that a Real Woman, like a Real Man, is someone who is trying to be the best possible adult. And I'm not saying that the men who prefer a somewhat less-Real Woman are right, but I do think that they exist. I think there are even good (or at least understandable) reasons, from the men's point of view, to want someone less competent, strong and independent (like needing to feel needed, never wanting to feel competitive or just needing your joint life to be less stressful). All I'm saying is that the incentives are a little skewed for would-be Real Women -- MCU
