Thursday, October 04, 2007
This week's Wall Street E-Vine
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York . I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt myfeelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out? - How you decide marriage
vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture,
sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
And the response:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
Courtesy of Dealbreaker.
6 Comments:
By 
, at
Thu Oct 04, 10:31:00 AM:
TH - this is why I love coming to your blog. I not only get my global political perspective jones sated, but I also get exposed to real world modern day humorous existential philosophy too!
By 
antithaca, at
Thu Oct 04, 02:00:00 PM:
Ok, this is like the 4th time I've seen this...with all due respect:
Charlottesvillain is not TigerHawk. That is, unless it's a pseudonym.
And, damned funny post.
By TigerHawk, at
Thu Oct 04, 02:53:00 PM:
Charlottesvillain is TigerHawk's more talented younger brother.
By Ray, at
Thu Oct 04, 03:10:00 PM:
Stuff like this reminds me that some of my "fellow" humans are clearly from a different subspecies.
By , at
Thu Oct 04, 05:52:00 PM:
Chary, thanks for including the reply. I saw "her" letter a few times this morning, but only a link to see the reply, and I figured it would just be some quick quip. The reply was truly terrific.
The reason I say "her" is because I just re-read it, and this time my impression was that it was written by some guy as a spoof. I'm not sure if girls use big manly words like "roadblock", and she used the word "guys" a lot, which I'm not so sure an "articulate, classy" dame would do.
Of course, along the same lines, if you were looking for an "articulate, classy" woman, would you want one who contantly used the word guys?
I did, however, think it was funny that she used "not from New York" as an asset.
It certainly is. :)
By , at
Thu Oct 04, 07:25:00 PM:
Maybe it is Gerard Van Der Luen in drag again.
andrewdb
