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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Documenting Francophobia 

If you haven't checked out the presidential campaign "hotel demands" of John Kerry and Dick Cheney, now available at The Smoking Gun, please do. No matter who you are, your reaction to these disclosures will probably reinforce your conviction that you voted for the right ticket in November 2004.

The matter of bottled water is particularly political, apparently. The Vice President was quite happy with "four cans" of Diet Caffeine Free Sprite (I had thought that all Sprite was caffeine free, but we can forgive the hapless advance man for being careful), but when "Mrs. Cheney" was along they also required two bottles of sparkling water, "Calistoga or Perrier" (emphasis added). It seems that in the most francophobic American political campaign maybe ever, our vice president was -- *cough* -- letting his wife drink Perrier. That, ladies and gentlemen, is true power.

John Kerry's advance team, however, used very imperative language: "Bottled water must be everyplace that JK is." Woe betide the bottled water that is not in proximity to John Kerry.

The Kerrys like their bottled water sans gas, as we say in Provence. However, we never hear this in Provence: "Poland Spring preferred. No Evian" (emphasis added). Apparently neither French ancestry nor having actual French relatives -- to say nothing of looking French -- is enough for John Kerry to overcome a loathing for Evian that he must have acquired... hmmm. When and where did Kerry learn to hate Evian so much? When he studied a laboratory analysis of its contents.

4 Comments:

By Blogger Charlottesvillain, at Tue Mar 28, 08:59:00 AM:

How could you ignore Theresa, who requires her bottled water apparently run through a "reverse osmosis filter." Its just too good not to be true.  

By Blogger Vermontaigne, at Tue Mar 28, 10:39:00 AM:

Did they recycle the bottles? Perrier, at least, comes in glass.  

By Blogger Lanky_Bastard, at Tue Mar 28, 02:25:00 PM:

Importing water from Europe is on my short-list of biggest wastes of energy ever. Water is heavy and thus relatively expensive to transport thousands of miles. Moreover, we've got plenty of good water here.

Admittedly, I enjoy the occasional imported beer (from Europe and farther places), but importing water is an unjustified environmental travesty.  

By Blogger Grim, at Tue Mar 28, 03:09:00 PM:

I agree. Importing water is a terrible waste. Importing beer? A moral duty.  

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