Friday, February 11, 2005
Life imitates Monty Python's Flying Circus
(link)Any fan of Monty Python's Flying Circus can rattle off long sequences of the "Dead Parrot" sketch, in which John Clease's Mr. Praline complains to the owner of a pet store that his new "Norwegian Blue" parrot is dead:
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM!Feweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
Now, in a dusty town in southern Israel, the dead parrot sketch has come to life:
The Ma'ariv daily reports today that Itzik Simkowitz of the southern city of Beersheeba, owner of the ex-parrot, says the shop owner cheated him as the bird not only failed to utter a word when he got it home, but was also extremely ill.
Simkowitz says the bird - not a Norwegian blue like in the famed 1970s Python sketch, but a Galerita-type cockatoo - proved to be extremely apathetic to its surroundings.
He says the shop owner assured him the parrot was not ill but simply needed time to adjust to its new environment.
The parrot finally rung down the curtain and went to meet its maker, while being examined by a veterinary surgeon, and a post-mortem revealed it to be suffering from a severe intestinal disease.
While the author of the AFP story on the Israeli dead parrot clearly has a sense of humor, it is not at clear that he realizes that the "Norwegian blue" is an entirely fictional breed.
When buying parrots, be sure to do your due diligence.
0 Comments:
