Sunday, May 16, 2010
Though they can be embarrassing to report to your doctor, sexual injuries are fairly run-of-the-mill in the emergency department, according to a U.K. poll of one thousand adults.
Sitting at the lunch table with a couple of Colon and Rectal surgeons and a Urologist invariably turns into a game of one-upsmanship. As I try to force down the hospital casserole, I hear about all the rectal foreign bodies (potatos, light bulbs, working vibrators, small rodents, etc.) and then the penile fracture stories (usually related to sex in hot tubs).
Suddenly I thank God that all I have to deal with are people who eat and smoke too much and clog their arteries!
Of course, my favorite was the guy who was turned down for a sex change operation and decided to shoot off his penis. He did not think it out too well, though, since he held it in his hand over his groin and blew a hole in his hand and his femoral artery. He was ultimately happy with the final result...so all is well that ends well.
While in college, we had a softball game with a med student, or young doctor, who was on emergency room rotation. He described how one day a man came in with a .... coca-cola ring [figure it out] and the problem was that the blood flow it constricted made the problem worse (sort of a chinese thumbscrews problem.
He told us that this sort of problem was not isolated, and we all had a good laugh. I have since tried to keep my sex as vanilla as possible, relying upon an active imagination, guarding against injury.
But let's ask Richard Gere about Hamsters....
I saw a similar article not too long ago. One of the anecdotes in the story described an anxious young couple at the doctor's office. The young man's penis had turned black.
The doctor told them, no it would not fall off and yes the color would return to normal, but in future the young lady should refrain from trying so hard to imitate a vacuum cleaner.