Monday, September 29, 2008
Breaking News
Breast milk banks????Human milk tastes like watermelon juice, apparently - but I don't know that first-hand, only from watching Friends. The world seems divided on the issue: two or three people think that it's no different from cow's milk, and there's nothing to stop an adult from drinking it. And everybody else, in the whole world, thinks that's absolutely minging.
And yet, those two or three people are making a lot of noise: only a month after Kate Garraway floated the idea that all women should breastfeed each other's children, as well as each other, or something like that, Peta, the animals rights group, has asked Ben & Jerry's to use human breast milk instead of cow's milk. "If Ben & Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice-cream with breast milk, your customers - and cows - would reap the benefits," wrote Peta's Tracy Reiman.
A Swiss restaurateur, meanwhile, who attempted to use breast milk in cooking, has run aground on the scarcity of European legislation on the matter. "They are not on the list of approved species such as cows and sheep, but they are also not on the list of the banned species such as apes and primates," said Rolf Etter of the Zurich food control laboratory. So monkey milk is illegal. Who knew?
Garraway is being deliberately controversial for Channel 4 (there ought to be a verb for this behaviour, it is so prevalent), Peta is defending animals any way it knows how, and the Swiss chappie is being really, really Swiss. So I've no brush to tar them all with, but I will point out the following: you can't just go and get some breast milk from Unigate.
My understanding of breast-milk banks is that even having a newborn baby is not sufficient; you also have to prove that both your own breasts are unavailable - perhaps a dog has made off with them. And the reason these banks are so stingy, and have none left over for making ice-cream or poaching wiener schnitzel? Because it comes out really slowly. To get a decent amount ... well, imagine a dairy farm, only with women.
Mein Gott im Himmell -- the horror!!! Must we now lie awake at night and worry about vast, untamed herds of American businessmen making panicked runs on Ben & Jerry's?
Well thank-you-very-much, PETA. As if it weren't difficult enough filling in for the absent host of this blog, now we have yet another thing to worry about.
5 Comments:
By 
DJMooreTX, at
Mon Sep 29, 06:33:00 PM:
Don't be fooled: PETA is not ignoring the practical issues in their plan. They don't seriously expect women to provide enough human milk to supply B&J's, thus freeing a bunch of cows from their slavery. No, no, no.
We're all supposed to be aghast at the suggestion that women could be treated as livestock, and then stop dead in our tracks, stunned by the insight that, well then by golly, we shouldn't treat cows like that either! Shut down the dairy farms, and let the cows vote!
It would be a brilliant piece of social monkey wrenching were it not for the fact that most people understand what PETAns do not: cows and women are different.
By Cassandra, at
Mon Sep 29, 08:17:00 PM:
I'm still trying to figure out how they're going to turn this into a protest?
I mean, we've seen nubile young women painted to look like tigers, half nekkid people in shrink wrap (I think they were supposed to be meat in those supermarket packages...).
I suppose it's a sign that my mind has been irretrievably damaged by too many years of bizarre PETA protests, but I can't help but think this one is already too 'out there' for PETA to stun me into incomprehension.
Then again, one can always hope :p
By mythusmage, at
Mon Sep 29, 09:06:00 PM:
At the KGB recently Boyer the Annoyer downed a four ounce glass of human milk, declaring it tasted a lot like cow milk, only sweeter. It's archived under the Dave, Shelly, and Chainshow (morning)show, but danged if I know exactly where.
By mythusmage, at
Mon Sep 29, 09:16:00 PM:
Update: Boyer Guzzles Babe Juice
By 
, at
Wed Oct 01, 11:49:00 AM:
PETA absolutly stinks i mean only a jerk would have anything to do with this evil new age cult of animal worshipers and i would never ever eat BEN & JERRY they give to the eco-freaks SCREW PETA SCREW BEN & JERRY
