Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Good thing Richard Reid didn't hide it in his ass
I've been traveling with the same ziplock bag since they passed this inane liquid regulation. Today the Cayman airport folks decided it was too large and made me leave the security line and buy a new one, even though my quantity of liquids clearly would fit in a quart bag. So I mouthed off, telling them that if my old ziplock bag could accrue frequent flyer miles it would be "Platinum Elite" and had never been impugned before.
I guess they didn't think it was funny. I was the only "randomly selected" search during boarding (You'd think they could have done it in the two hours I was waiting around?), and it involved, among other things, a close inspection of my chap stick and a request to take apart my Advair inhaler (which would ruin it, so I refused).
This is all consistent with my treatment in the PATH train, where they are always "randomly selecting" me for bag inspection.
Look, I'm not in the terrorist demographic. I'm sure if they do this to enough middle-aged waspy white guys it protects them from profiling accusations. Next time I'm growing my beard and wearing a kufi so I don't have to be bothered with this.
(PS the title joke is borrowed from Tom Barnett)
8 Comments:
By 
TigerHawk, at
Wed Jan 16, 10:44:00 PM:
The "Platinum Elite" line was pretty good. There is nothing worse than an airport security guy without a sense of humor.
Reminds me of a Dennis Miller routine about the TSA searching grandmothers while letting through the swarthy guy "whose passport has more erasure marks than Kid Rock's algebra exam."
By 
, at
Thu Jan 17, 12:06:00 AM:
Nothing makes me feel safer on an airliner than knowing that none of the other passengers has more than one quart of little tiny bottles.
By Andrewdb, at
Thu Jan 17, 01:11:00 AM:
Nobrainer - after seeing that You-tube vid of what a match head of a hi power explosive did to a watermelon, I am glad too.
You did see the pictures of the guy trying to hand the baby up to Benazir Bhutto - which turned out to be wrapped in explosives. You know you aren't packing heat, but the TSA guys don't know that (or if your wife/mother/sister is being held at gunpoint back home to make sure you carry the "bad" package onto the plane).
Check out more paranoia inducing material here:
http://www.theaviationnation.com/
All that said, it would be nice if the TSA types learned more about customer service.
By , at
Thu Jan 17, 06:33:00 AM:
It'd be nice if the TSA folks had intellect above flies, and training.
I fly frequently, platinum on segments not miles, and what amazes me is the range of competence. Most recently it was the "your DL doesn't have a hologram. Thanks for noticing Mohammed, but they didn't put those on when this was issued, and it's not expired. Do you have any other photo ID? No, that's why I presented my license. We'll fill out this form, and waste 10 minutes of you time .... blah blah blah."
So I asked the next TSA guy I encounter, carrying my passport this time. I hand him my license, ask him about the hologram and secret flashlight. He tells me they have discontinued the hologram challenge until everyone gets retrained on the variety of licenses by state.
Short story ... the terrorist is still the 18-30 year old ME guy. Not fat middle aged white guys like me. Rest of story ... the last few clowns who acted up on planes wound up thumped, shot or in body bags, mostly at the hands of their fellow passengers.
I'm not worried about what people carry on, it's the fact that the stowed luggage and *cargo* is virtually uninspected.
By , at
Thu Jan 17, 12:15:00 PM:
I've travelled the PATH twice a day at least five days a week for many years and have never once had my bag inspected. Now, I'm almost as Waspy as you and have a certain furtive quality that you lack so there must be something else about you that pisses of the inspectors. Probably the shoes.
By , at
Thu Jan 17, 12:31:00 PM:
"Had one of those travel days returning from the Cayman Islands today...(the astute reader has now figured out something about my clientele)"
Money launderers?
Is there a prize for the first correct guess? :)
Okay, so you lived up to your name and did a mindless act:
"So I mouthed off, telling them that-"
You do that to airport security, you deserve what you get.
Any other questions?
Any blog on this topic has tons of comments full of horror stories, and a few have even made the MSM. Everyone knows you don't screw around with airport security in any way. The second you opened your fat trap, you bought whatever was coming your way.
Just my two cents, of course. :)
Loved the line about the "Platinum Elite". Yeah, airport security people are humorless dickwads. Forget about it.
By AmPowerBlog, at
Thu Jan 17, 08:47:00 PM:
"Next time I'm growing my beard and wearing a kufi so I don't have to be bothered with this."
Love'd that line!
By Andrew Hofer, at
Thu Jan 17, 09:46:00 PM:
I commute through Exchange place. Maybe that makes a difference.
Better a fat trap than one that never shuts.
