Wednesday, December 05, 2007
The single most offensive thing people do on airplanes
What is the single most offensive thing that regularly happens on commercial airplanes? I'm not talking about insane investment bankers defecating on the food cart or Syrian "musicians" casing the security. I'm talking about the stuff regular people, who undoubtedly do not believe they are subhuman scum, do every day.
High on the list is the guy who slams his seat back without giving any warning, risking the destruction of the laptop open on the tray table behind him. There is no defense for not giving a quick warning to the person behind you. If you do not warn before you push back the seat, you are an inconsiderate git.
However, non-warners are virtual saints compared to the biggest scumbag on the plane. Who is he? The guy with a seat in the rear who puts his luggage over a forward row so he does not have to carry it a few extra rows down the aisle. In saving himself this small effort, he has condemned another poor sap with a seat near the front to stowing his luggage many rows behind him. This means that the guy in the front cannot get off the plane until every other passenger has deplaned, all so the first asshole does not have to carry his bags back 10 rows.
There is no hell painful enough for such people.
19 Comments:
By 
, at
Wed Dec 05, 07:23:00 PM:
Pull down his luggage and toss it after him.
I firmly believe that there is a place in society for a certain level of vigilantism. People who deliberately behave like assholes do it because they get away with it. End that, and they'll stop.
By 
Buce, at
Wed Dec 05, 07:48:00 PM:
I'll put in a vote for the nitwit in 7F (I was 7D) on JetBlue from NYC to Sacramento last Sunday night, who cheerfully would have prattled the whole trip, had not the heroic soul in 7E struggled so manfully to ignore him--leaving it for me only once to ask the nitwit to shut up.
By , at
Wed Dec 05, 08:35:00 PM:
I wish that the airlines would board the First Class passengers, and then board all the people who know how to get in, stow their gear and sit down quickly.
By D.E. Cloutier, at
Wed Dec 05, 08:36:00 PM:
Put the laptop away, TH. Have some fun. On the next long flight see if you can make the nearest pretty woman fall in love with you before you get off the plane. (No need for follow-up.)
By Suzette, at
Wed Dec 05, 08:48:00 PM:
The worst are the overhead bin hogs who stretch the definition of "one carry on and one personal item" to the very limit and then add a heavy coat to it all.
Here's my idea: we take charge of those plastic numbers that used to be required in clothing store dressing rooms. Then we give eveyone a corresponidng number at the door for every item they have. When the bins get full, everyone holds up their number and whoever has the highest numbers has to surrender one item to gatecheck. this rewards the considerate citizen with one item, and punishes the bin hog with two, three and four items.
By , at
Wed Dec 05, 09:36:00 PM:
Blame the flight crew. They should be scoping out the FC section to make sure only persons in that section stow luggage there, and anyone NOT in FC is limited to their one carry-on item. As for most inconsiderate ... I'm going with my personal fav the fat fvck who needs two seats but only buys one, the chatty dipshit on the cellular phone, and the person who insists on using the FC crapper from Coach.
JT
By , at
Wed Dec 05, 10:46:00 PM:
On the next long flight see if you can make the nearest pretty woman fall in love with you before you get off the plane. (No need for follow-up.)
So depending on your individual ability or her mood, you have a delightful time, or get charged with sexual harrassment.
By , at
Wed Dec 05, 11:38:00 PM:
All this crap is Jimmy Carter's fault. He had to deregulate the airline industry so now people who used to travel by Greyhound now fly. Re-regulate the airlines and make flying pleasant again.
Being 6'2 and large, I really hate the smaller seats on planes today compared to 30 years ago. When the clown who pushes back his seat in to my lap, I push the seat right back up. If I get any lip, I say nicely get out of my lap. When I fly first class (which is really the coach class of 30 years ago)and some clown from coach puts their excess baggage in my bin, I just it down. I let the stewardess deal with the clown. I have learned that over the years that being polite but having a no shit attitude works almost all the time.
Is it me or is it some unwritten rule of the universe than when taking connecting flights the gate you arrive at to make the connection is always the farthest gate from the departing gate, especially when the connection departure is in less than 30 minutes. And the pretty woman always sits in the row opposite me. I get the fat man or the the person who doesn't believe in bathing or the the one with dragon's breath. And in closing my luggage no matter how early I check in is always last on the conveyor belt if it arrives at all.
By Andrewdb, at
Thu Dec 06, 12:24:00 AM:
I suggest reporting the bag in the forward bin as "unattended luggage" and asking the flight crew to deal with it.
By , at
Thu Dec 06, 01:11:00 AM:
Putting on perfume.
Trimming your fingernails.
Putting on nail polish.
By D.E. Cloutier, at
Thu Dec 06, 01:57:00 AM:
"So depending on your individual ability or her mood, you have a delightful time, or get charged with sexual harrassment."
This is not a game for mashers, Doctorpat. If TH really wants a challenge on a plane, he should try to make a lesbian fall in love with him.
By , at
Thu Dec 06, 02:25:00 AM:
I'm going to add "Stewardess Who Makes You Shut Off Your iPod During Take-Off/Landing". Apparently, having a small electronic device, one of only 10,000,000 or so on any airplane, turned on is somehow dangerous.
Of course, I always turn mine on as soon as they've walked past. But then again, I've always liked to live life on the edge...
By , at
Thu Dec 06, 07:29:00 AM:
Inductively, nobody in coach should ever recline their seat.
The guy in the back row is unable to recline because he's smack against the wall. If you sit in front of him and recline, then you're an asshole. This just kicks the problem up a row making the guy in front of you who reclines an asshole.
The moral of the story - whether you give fair warning to the person behind you or not, if you recline on the airplane, you're probably an asshole. The only exception is if the person behind you is already reclining in which case he has proven himself to be an asshole and doesn't deserve fair warning anyway.
By , at
Thu Dec 06, 02:16:00 PM:
Remember if you pick out someone's bags and claim they are unattended you have the opportunity to have the entire plane disembark, go to a secure area and wait until the situation is resolved. Then you have to answer why you thought the bags were unattended.
Also, remember that many airline crew members have to carry both their crew bag and their clothes bag when they deadhead between flights. If crew bags are lost or stolen there is tons of paperwork to accomplish.
By , at
Thu Dec 06, 05:17:00 PM:
I have to disagree with Howard. Reclining your seat on a plane is acceptable provided it's not an extremely short flight or you're not a kid/midget. Those in the back row simply have to take one for the team, and I say that as a guy who gets the back row on probably 50% of all flights.
By ScottJ, at
Thu Dec 06, 05:17:00 PM:
Next up for your traveling pleasure--onboard cell phone access. You thought the nerd talking to another passenger was annoying, wait until he is talking the entire flight to someone who isn't there.
By , at
Thu Dec 06, 10:16:00 PM:
Sounds like Tigerhawk needs a drink. Next time you are in Northern NJ, I'll buy.
NT
By Cardinalpark, at
Fri Dec 07, 11:50:00 AM:
Personally, I find the uncontrolled flatulator the worst person the plane. That person can kill you for hours.
By Buce, at
Fri Dec 07, 06:27:00 PM:
And don't forget the fellators, Cardinalpark. And the flatulating fellators. And the fella... oh sorry.
