Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Fish Cetacean Marriage Alert!!!!
Sadly, since no gay penguin updates were in the offing, I was forced to troll the dark alleys of the fish marriage tabloids. But hey - I got yer bizarre news alert right here:
An unusual wedding ceremony was held in the southern resort town of Eilat on Wednesday, as Sharon Tendler, a 41-years-old Jewish millionaire from London married her beloved Cindy, a 35-years-old dolphin, Israel's leading newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth reported Thursday.
The groom, a resident of the Eilat dolphin reef, met Tendler 15 years ago, when she first visited the resort. The British rock concert producer took a liking to the dolphin and has made a habit of traveling to Eilat two or three times a year and spending time with her underwater sweetheart.
"The peace and tranquility underwater, and his love, would calm me down," the excited bride said after the wedding.
After a years-long romance, Tendler decided to embark on the highly unusual path of tying the knot with her beloved dolphin. Last week, she approached Cindy's trainer Maya Zilber with the extraordinary request.
Zilber accepted the challenge and "talked the idea over with the fellow," who apparently consented.
'I'm not a pervert'
And so on Wednesday afternoon, the thrilled bride, wearing a white dress, walked down the dock before hundreds of astounded visitors and kneeled down before her groom, who was waiting in the water.
Cindy, escorted by his fellow best-men dolphins, swam over to Tendler and she hugged him, whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and kissed him in front of the cheering crowd.
After the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, Tendler was tossed into the water by her friends so that she could swim with her new husband.
"I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride said as she chocked back tears of emotion. "I made a dream come true, and I am not a pervert," she stressed.
Tendler said she and her newly wed husband will probably spend their wedding night bowling.
Indeed...
IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!! I just noticed something. Is Cindy the dolphin gay, transgendered or other?
I'm not trying to marginalize he/she/it or impose my restrictive, heternormative values on a beautiful, natural human/cetacean relationship, but inquiring minds want to know. What's up with this?
After a years-long romance, Tendler decided to embark on the highly unusual path of tying the knot with her beloved dolphin. Last week, she approached Cindy's trainer Maya Zilber with the extraordinary request.
Zilber accepted the challenge and "talked the idea over with the fellow," who apparently consented.
Supportive comments only, please.
SNARKY COMMENTER UPDATE: Expressly ignoring my request for *supportive* comments only, (is this a y-chromosome thing? Has Pile On, bored with porcine rentals, been paying him?), mildly annoying commenter "Joshua" immediately starts lobbing the heteronormative snark:
Is Cindy the dolphin gay, transgendered or other?
Well, "Cindy" wouldn't be the first male acquatic mammal with a feminine name. Remember Keiko the whale (of Free Willy fame)? The name Keiko is a feminine Japanese name, but the whale itself was a male.
And one other nit to pick: The title "Fish Marriage Alert" is a misnomer. A dolphin is, again, an aquatic mammal, not a fish. Unless, of course, Cindy is also a novice poker player (aka a "fish" in poker parlance) - which could explain why his new wife wanted to take him bowling on their honeymoon instead.
Fine. Have it your way. Like... we are *so* sure "Joshua" knew that dolphins are actually cetaceans.
What*ever*...
14 Comments:
By 
TigerHawk, at
Wed Jan 04, 02:15:00 PM:
If this blog were actually a locker room, there is no end to the comments I might make.
By Cassandra, at
Wed Jan 04, 02:16:00 PM:
I told you you'd be sorry...
That's why I won't let you put my email address in the sidebar.
Heh... deniability is key.
By Cassandra, at
Wed Jan 04, 02:18:00 PM:
I'm waiting for the Mo Dowd column tomorrow morning:
"A Woman Needs a Man Like A Fish Needs a Bowling Ball..."
By 
, at
Wed Jan 04, 03:30:00 PM:
Is Cindy the dolphin gay, transgendered or other?
Well, "Cindy" wouldn't be the first male acquatic mammal with a feminine name. Remember Keiko the whale (of Free Willy fame)? The name Keiko is a feminine Japanese name, but the whale itself was a male.
And one other nit to pick: The title "Fish Marriage Alert" is a misnomer. A dolphin is, again, an aquatic mammal, not a fish. Unless, of course, Cindy is also a novice poker player (aka a "fish" in poker parlance) - which could explain why his new wife wanted to take him bowling on their honeymoon instead.
By Cassandra, at
Wed Jan 04, 03:57:00 PM:
Manischewitz! Don't I even get partial credit for knowing a dolphin is a cetacean?
Work with me here, Joshua! I'm dying... :D
Good point about Keiko, though. I hadn't thought of that.
By Charlottesvillain, at
Wed Jan 04, 04:41:00 PM:
Come on, Cassandra, if one can't be pedantic in a blog comment string, where can you be?
One more thing. I didn't see that film. Am I wrong in assuming the Orca's name was Willy?
By Cassandra, at
Wed Jan 04, 04:48:00 PM:
Actually I thought it was a great comment - I'm still laughing. That's why I posted it. I forget people don't realize how sarcastic I am.
And I think it was Willy in the movie but Keiko in real life.
So it was a transgendered Orca playing a male in a movie but actually a male with a female name in real life but who knows if it was really a female whale trapped in a male whale's body or just a really, really confused cetacean, hungering for a more unfettered lifestyle but feeling repressed by the Bush administration's harsh policies toward GLTO lifestyles?
The mind boggles.
By Cassandra, at
Wed Jan 04, 04:51:00 PM:
OK, this is strange.
I am NOT talking to myself.
There WAS a comment from Charlottesvillian here a moment ago.
I AM NOT A PERVERT!
By , at
Thu Jan 05, 12:13:00 PM:
Would that be penguin bowling?
Good...I can't even think of anything to fit. Even Elton John 'married' a human.
And he is not a pervert either. I think.
I am so confused...
And why, for Gaia's sake, you haven't told the Professym? You know how he feels about yssues related to Gaia. He won't like being schooped by you.
You big Cetacean, you.
By Cassandra, at
Thu Jan 05, 03:59:00 PM:
This is right up Lar's alley isn't it? For all I know he was a member of the wedding party. Him and the rest of Seattle Hemp Products.
By , at
Thu Jan 05, 11:47:00 PM:
OK, fair enough. (Even though cetaceans are aquatic mammals. Whales are also cetaceans, and they are definitely mammals.)
FWIW, I wasn't trying to be snarky, that was just my odd sense of humor talking. But make no mistake, it is a big distinction. There's nothing wrong with marrying a cetacean in my book, or for that matter any other order of aquatic mammal - the way I see it, if supermodel Heidi Klum can marry a Seal, then this woman can marry a dolphin. But a fish? That just ain't natural.
By , at
Fri Jan 06, 12:47:00 PM:
And what a SEAL he was.
And will this dohpin leave her behind when the order comes to evacuate the planet?
By , at
Fri Jan 06, 12:50:00 PM:
"Giant snow penises popping up all over town?"
I lost another keyboard and monitor on that one.
By Cassandra, at
Fri Jan 06, 05:41:00 PM:
I was just giving you a hard time Joshua.
I loved your comment - it was pretty obvious you had a great sense of humor or I would never have taken the chance of posting your comment up there and having a bit of fun at you :) When I saw the 'poker' crack I figured you were sharp enough to know I was only kidding. Of course then, being female I had to go and get all worried about hurting your feelings. But that's the way I am if I don't know someone - I'm always terrified of upsetting people.
Strangely enough I'd never heard of Seal until I stayed with a friend in San Francisco who lived, oddly enough, at the Marine Mammal Center.
Go figure...
