Friday, April 14, 2006

"You can't handle the truth" 

If you have ever sat in on a discussion between sales management, and by this I mean just about any sales management in just about any company, and their corporate overlords, this fresh take on one of the great cross examinations in movie history has to make you laugh:
Sales: "You want answers?"

Finance: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Sales: "You want answers?!"

Finance: "I want the truth!"

Sales: "You can't handle the truth!!!"

Sales (continuing): "Sir , we live in a world that requires revenue.

And that revenue must be brought in by people with elite skills. Who's going to find it? You? You, Mr. Operations? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.

You scoff at the sales division and you curse our lucrative incentives.

You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know:

that while the cost of business results are excessive, it drives in revenue. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives REVENUE! You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings ... you want me on that call. You NEED me on that call!

We use words like consignment, evaluations, discounts, RFPs. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent negotiating something. You use them as a punch line!

I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a phone and make some sales calls. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Finance: "Did you expense the alcohol?"

Sales: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Finance: "Did you expense the alcohol?"

Sales: "You're goddamn right I did!"

Have a great Friday. And, dammit, close!

CWCID: Random email thread, so if I'm the last person in the world to see this, apologies all around.


By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Apr 14, 04:00:00 PM:

TH: Were you drinking when you wrote this? You forgot: "You NEED me in the field. You WANT me in the field." Ah, the daily compromises we make to accommodate practical realities. Then again, teams need all sorts, not just pick-setters, jump shooters or point guards. Have a great holiday weekend.


By Blogger Assistant Village Idiot, at Fri Apr 14, 04:29:00 PM:

As in reading a Dilbert cartoon that you are certain must be inspired by your place of business, I saw this as uncannily descriptive of the conflict in human services between front line solvers and the advocates.


Happy Easter.  

By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Apr 17, 10:57:00 AM:

Hi Tigerhawk,

Any idea who wrote this? We blogged it and want to make sure proper acknowledgement is given.


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