Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Where should you stash your valuables?
Advice from a professional burgler. And read the comments, too.
6 Comments:
By 
Purple Avenger, at
Tue Feb 20, 02:54:00 PM:
When I lived in a 2-story apt building Norwalk CA in the early 80's I used a phony devil worship altar setup conspicuously near the kitchen window (I was on the 1st floor).
The windows were rigged with phony booby traps that looked real good too.
The universal social taboo against insane people protected me well. In two years living there every unit in the building was burglarized (some multiple times) EXCEPT mine ;->
Car break ins can similarly be social engineered by just leaving a baby bottle and a diaper smeared with peanut butter conspicuously on the front seat or dash. Why break into a car that's apparently going to smell literally like shit, when there are hundred of other more pleasant smelling ones to to choose from?
By 
, at
Tue Feb 20, 03:31:00 PM:
Leaving some cash out works for several reasons: as stated, it lets the crook get something valuable and then get out. It's also good to know if you HAVE been robbed, or are being robbed (women particularly) so you can get out. Leave even $20 out on the kitchen counter and a crook'll snap it up. If it's missing when you walk in, you know to get out and call the cops.
I have a very heavy safe that you cannot pick up. I have another that you can, that needs to get locked with some stuff in it (sh*tty underwear would work well).
If a robbery even does happen, I hope I can be home deciding between the Louisville slugger and my "thunderstick" ("protect and serve" is only a motto ... cops make OT investigating crime, not risking a bullet to prevent one).
By , at
Tue Feb 20, 06:12:00 PM:
Or get a parrot and teach him this dialog:
Burglar enters.
P: Jesus is watching you.
Burglar looks around. Nothing.
P again: Jesus is watching you.
Burglar gets scared, but still continues.
P: Jesus watching you.
Burglar turns on light, finds parrot.
B: Who are you?
P: I am Moses.
B: What kind of idiot names his parrot after Moses?
P: The same idiot who named his rotweiler after Jesus.
Vilmos
By TigerHawk, at
Tue Feb 20, 07:19:00 PM:
Purple Avenger,
Your advice reminds me of Steve Martin's routine from one of his classic albums of the mid-70s -- he suggested peeing in his pants until there was a huge stain in the front on the theory that nobody ever mugged anybody who was willing to walk around with pee-soaked pants.
By Purple Avenger, at
Tue Feb 20, 09:41:00 PM:
I take a somewhat different approach when walking about on the street than Steve would ;->
One of the key thing to not getting mugged is don't project the image of being an easy target. Remove the element of surprise by being aware of your surroundings. Don't just walk up to an ATM and plunk your card in. Look around, check the corners, glance at the bushes, etc.
When walking down the street, don't hug building walls - that makes you vulnerable to someone lurking in a doorway. Stay to the road side of the walkway and approach doorways a bit slower.
Look ahead down the street. If you see a dubious looking crew hanging about, cross the street to the other side before they notice you. Being on the other side buys you more of the most valuable thing in a potential confrontation: time. TIME == OPTIONS.
Robbers want oblivions who they can surprise. IOW - you want to flunk the "victim interview".
With the vast ocean of actual oblivions out there, it doesn't take much to tip the value equation the other way.
By , at
Tue Feb 20, 11:44:00 PM:
The best way to guard your stuff is with a man a woman and both armed with M-16s
