Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The unrelenting war on fun
With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.
"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."
"Mmm, dehydrated bulb things," Carey added. "Sounds delicious."
Bwahahaha!
7 Comments:
By 
Charlottesvillain, at
Tue Dec 19, 07:19:00 PM:
Dude, you left out the best quote of the piece:
"Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?" Carey added.
By allen, at
Tue Dec 19, 09:56:00 PM:
The truck! The truck!
"Frito-Lay delivery people drop off a 'bunch of bulls**t to some p***ks somewhere.'"
Why can't this be true?!
By 
, at
Tue Dec 19, 11:49:00 PM:
Frankly im tired of the nutritionists wackos forcing this health food stuff on us i mean the group of eggheads from such stupid groups as CSPI and PCRM are now trying to get dumb warning labels put on salt,milk and things we eat and drink soneone should tell these wheatgerm inhailing health freaks to keep their big fat worthless noses out of our kitchens and refrigerators
By GreenmanTim, at
Wed Dec 20, 12:22:00 AM:
...and choice of reading material, and bedrooms, and wombs, eh BP? You were on a good tear there, but why stop at refrigerators?
By , at
Wed Dec 20, 06:01:00 AM:
I recall how soy bean was the revolutionary "new" food that was going to save the world. Now we have studies showing the way soy bean is saving the world is by neutering the male population.
By GreenmanTim, at
Thu Dec 21, 02:00:00 PM:
What's this? Two Republican state senators in the Nutmeg state have sponsored a bill banning transfats.
Guess that Democratic trouncing the GOP took in my state has them rethinking how to appeal to the electorate. Read more at http://connecticutlocalpolitics.blogspot.com/2006/12/republicans-to-introduce-bill-to-ban.html
By , at
Thu Dec 21, 02:51:00 PM:
What now will they want to take away the popes of SANTA CLUASE,FROSTY THE SNOWMAN and POPEYE will they force JUGHEAD and WHIMPY to give up their hamburgers will they make COOKIEMONSTER eat whole wheat puke paste? I mean MICHEAL JACOBSON,C EVERATE COOP,JERIMY RIFKIN and NEIL BERNARD are the biggst jerks around
