Sunday, July 09, 2006

The new Pirates: A TigerHawk mini-review 

Friday night, we joined the crowds making Pirates of the Caribbean: Dean Man's Chest the top "opening weekend" movie of all time. Herewith, the TigerHawk mini-review, all with reference to the first Pirates.

Special effects: Quite good. Davey Jones' crew -- bizarre humanoid fish creatures -- and his monster, The Kracken, are very cool and worth the price of admission.

Script, acting and direction: Not bad, but not nearly as witty and crackling as the original. Captain Jack Sparrow is more desperate than quirky, which is not progress, and Orlando Bloom's Will Turner is fully domesticated and sick with love. Keira Knightley is gorgeous. Naomie Harris, who plays a witch-doctor/seer named Tia Dalma is the high point of the new cast, followed closely by the refreshing comic performances of Lee Arenberg and Mackenzie Crook, who play a couple of goofy pirates on Sparrow's crew.

Oh. And did I mention that Keira Knightley is gorgeous?


By Blogger Scott, at Sun Jul 09, 11:49:00 AM:

Now if someone would just be kind enough to feed her ;)  

By Blogger Daniel, at Sun Jul 09, 04:22:00 PM:

Yes, lovely face, but the words "walking broom handle" come to mind.  

By Blogger Charlottesvillain, at Sun Jul 09, 07:30:00 PM:

Must be the heroin. Oh, sorry, I meant heroine.  

By Blogger Daniel, at Sun Jul 09, 08:38:00 PM:

Alas, 'Tis not much booty below. Yarr.

(C'mon, we could keep this going all week.)  

By Blogger Steve Burri, at Mon Jul 10, 12:00:00 AM:

The week continues...

Did she perform her bulimic episodes in the ship's head or did she just vomit overboard?  

By Blogger Cardinalpark, at Mon Jul 10, 09:15:00 AM:

Dude - what, do you like 'em see- through or something? Potatoes. She needs pasta. Something.  

By Blogger Charlottesvillain, at Mon Jul 10, 09:50:00 AM:

To quote the great Louis Prima:

Closest to the bone, sweetest is the meat;
Last slice of Virginia ham is the best that you can eat;
Don't talk about my baby, she's slender but she's sweet;
Closest to the bone, sweetest is the meat.  

By Blogger chsw10605, at Mon Jul 10, 05:13:00 PM:

Scott, you can see in the picture that she has already had her cheese crouton lunch.  

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